DBT STOP Skill: How to Hit Pause on Emotional Overload

"Manage stress easily with the DBT STOP Skill. Learn distress tolerance techniques that help you pause and find calm. Download the free PDF for quick tips!"

When you feel overwhelmed, take a step back. Breathe. Regain control. Then move forward with clarity.

Ever Had One of Those Moments?

You know the ones—where your emotions hijack your brain, and before you know it, you're spiraling into full meltdown mode? Maybe your toddler decided to redecorate your living room with their latest crayon masterpiece while you were elbow-deep in kitchen cleaning, trying to prevent a full-blown science experiment in the sink. Suddenly, frustration, panic, or anger takes over, and you’re reacting before you even realize what’s happening.

Enter the DBT STOP Skill—Your Emotional Pause Button

It's exactly what it sounds like, a way to freeze in that chaotic moment, giving you the space to breathe, reset, and stop yourself from firing off a snarky reply in the family group chat that you know will start World War lll. Whether you’re dealing with everyday stress, emotional overwhelm, or just need a way to slow down before reacting, this skill can be a total game-changer.

In this post, I’ll break down the STOP skill step by step and share real-life examples of how you can use it—without feeling like a robot.

What is the STOP Skill?

Think of STOP as an acronym that walks you through hitting the pause button before your emotions take over:

S - Stop:

Resist the urge to react immediately. Picture a big red stop sign in your mind. Don’t say or do anything impulsively, just pause.

T - Take a step back:

Physically or mentally remove yourself from the situation. This creates space between you and your emotions, giving you a moment to reset. Even if you can’t literally step away, shifting your focus helps prevent knee-jerk reactions.

O - Observe:

What’s happening inside and outside of you? Notice your thoughts, emotions, and physical sensations without judgment. What’s the situation? How is your body reacting? What story is your mind telling you?

P - Proceed mindfully:

Respond in a way that aligns with your values, not just your emotions in the heat of the moment. Instead of reacting impulsively, choose a response that serves you in the long run.

By following these steps, you gain control over how you react instead of letting emotions call the shots. It’s like switching from a wild rollercoaster ride to cruising at a steady speed.

Why the STOP Skill is a Game-Changer

Avoid Those Big "Oops" Moments

Ever wish you had a rewind button for those "shit, why did I say that" moments? Maybe you’ve snapped at someone and regretted it instantly. Or let stress push you into making a decision you later wanted to bail on. The STOP skill acts as your built-in pause button, helping you slow down and make choices you won’t regret later.

Gain Control Over Your Emotional World

This skill isn’t just about avoiding mistakes—it’s about taking charge of your emotions instead of letting them control you. No more feeling like a passenger on the stress rollercoaster. Whether it’s a frustrating morning, a tough conversation, or the urge to buy just one more thing on Amazon, pausing before acting can save you a ton of stress (and questionable purchases).

How to Practice the STOP Skill in Everyday Life

The STOP Skill isn’t just for major meltdowns—it’s something you can practice daily to make it second nature.

Start Small

Think of moments in your day that cause you mild frustration:

• Spilling your coffee when you really need it

• Losing your keys for the 500th time this week

• Forgetting something important at home

• A long line at Tim Hortons when you just wanted a quick caffeine fix

• Traffic... (I don’t even need to finish that sentence, you already know the feeling!)

Excellent Opportunities to Practice

These low-stakes situations are the best times to flex your STOP skills. The more you practice in everyday annoyances, the easier it becomes to pause before reacting in bigger emotional moments.

Practice Makes Progress

Like any DBT skill, practice is key. I’ll push this till the cows come home (and then I’ll push it some more). If you truly want change in your life, committing to practice is essential. It’s rarely easy, but progress is progress—no matter how small. Celebrate those little wins!

STOP Skill in Action: Real-Life Examples

A few “frequent flyer” situations from my own life:

My bundle of joy is throwing a tantrum or won't listen:

OLD PATH:

• Thought: "Omg, how hard is it to get your shoes on so we can go to the park that YOU wanted to go to?"

• Action: Yelling at her to get her shoes on or we aren't going.

• Result: Crying, frustration growing in both of us, an overall garbage start to what could have been an enjoyable outing.

NEW PATH:

• Thought: "Okay, she's having a hard time, not giving me a hard time. She's probably overwhelmed or distracted."

• Action: Take a deep breath, get down on her level, and calmly offer help or a fun challenge like, "Let's see if you can put your shoes on before I count to ten!"

• Result: Less stress, more cooperation, and we actually make it to the park without an emotional meltdown.

My significant other forgets something important, again:

OLD PATH:

• Thought: "Seriously?! I've told you three times already!"

• Action: Snapping in frustration, making him feel worse.

• Result: We’re both upset, the thing still isn’t done, and our relationship takes a hit.

NEW PATH:

• Thought: "Okay, I know he doesn't mean to forget. Maybe he's stressed or distracted. I forget things too sometimes."

• Action: Pause, take a breath, and instead of jumping to frustration, calmly remind him and offer a solution like setting a phone reminder together.

• Result: No unnecessary argument, the task actually gets done, and our relationship stays intact instead of turning into a battlefield.

Family Dramaaaa Llamaaaa:

OLD PATH:

• Thought: "Ugh, here we go again. Why does this person always have to stir the pot?"

• Action: Jumping in defensively, arguing, or venting later.

• Result: More drama, more stress, and feeling emotionally drained for the rest of the day.

NEW PATH:

• Thought: "I don't have to engage in every battle. Their behaviour is about them, not me."

• Action: Pause before responding, take a breath, and decide whether it's worth engaging or if I should simply set a boundary and move on."

• Result: Less stress, more emotional energy for the things that actually matter, and no unnecessary drama pulling me in.

Wrapping It Up

The next time your emotions try to take the wheel...

STOP! Take a breath. Observe. Proceed Mindfully.

Freebie Alert!

To make this skill even easier, I’ve put together a free PDF that includes a handy reference sheet for the STOP acronym to help you prepare for those frequent flyer situations that always seem to push your buttons. Download it now and start practicing—because life’s too short to let stress call the shots.

A moment of patience in a moment of upset saves you a hundred moments of regret.

How do you see yourself using this skill in daily life? Let me know in the comments!

xoxo